Dugris Zaman
Civilian
Sir Alphabet Soup
Starting fires
Posts: 115 Likes: 5 
Position: Consultant
Species: El-Aurian
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Post by Dugris Zaman on Jan 14, 2021 2:09:51 GMT
The Dirt Dude is your premier source for gossip on Front Ear station. His goal is to inform and educate, not to ruin anyone's reputation, and he's very sorry to anyone who may be offended and/or slandered by his writing. The Dirt Dude seems to have connections everywhere, but is sometimes completely clueless on the facts. {OOC Info: The Dirt Dude is...}  Sir Doug Zaman. None of your characters know this, although given enough time and enough hints, some may piece it together The Dude's Dirt - Intelligent Affairs - why is Matthew Harmon sad?
- The Saddest Shape - Sven Aune's unfortunate love triangle.
- The Plaza Where It Happened - Revelations on the fight that the Cardassians started.
- The Ass in Ambassador - Ambassador L'Sho: naked and mean.
- Disharmony - Matthew Harmon is sadder than last time.
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Dugris Zaman
Civilian
Sir Alphabet Soup
Starting fires
Posts: 115 Likes: 5
Position: Consultant
Species: El-Aurian
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Post by Dugris Zaman on Jan 14, 2021 3:46:02 GMT
Jan. 2381Intelligent Affairs?There is one man on this station who could well be said to have it all, and he is Matthew Harmon. Matt was blessed with attractive features, is tall for his species, and seems to keep in shape. His career seems to be on the up and up: now the third-ranking officer on this station, it's hardly a secret that he has the new Captain's ear. He enjoys what appears to be a comfortable work schedule, seemingly setting his own hours. All this leaves you to wonder: why is Matt Harmon so unhappy?
Not many know, but at his previous posting, he slept with an Admiral's daughter, and a very pretty one at that. We don't know for sure, but it's a decent bet that he was sent here as a punishment. Being torn away from your sexy star-crossed lover is reason aplenty for sorrow, if that's what the relationship was. If not, the odd booty call does quite well for a man's self-esteem, and losing it can hurt. Maybe it's not a betrayal we saw here. Maybe dear Matt has moved on, but he's having relationship trouble. We here at the Dirt Dude think he could easily get a casual hookup, so we'd assume he's searching for something more meaningful. Join us, as we look at the women who may be on his mind.
Chloe HudsonThis rumor may be the oldest one on the station, but we must acknowledge it because it makes sense. The young and impressionable Chloe is uniquely vulnerable to the grizzled charm of the strong, superior officer figure. The sheer impropriety of such a romance would be a reason for both of them to avoid it, but some people might think the forbidden fruit vibe makes it sexy. Maybe it's the impossibility of this relationship that has Matt down in the dumps.
{The following passage has been removed by the Dirt Dude's editor, for fear of jeopardizing news work.}
Charlie Fox
It's generally Dirt Dude policy not to write about fellow FNN contributors, but we must make an exception here. This foxy journalist has spent some time in Matt's company, including a mysterious trip by runabout several months ago. We don't know what happened, but it's not hard to speculate that something did. Perhaps Matt wanted more, and Charlie didn't, or maybe something else entirely, but if these two are dating, you heard it first on the Dirt Dude.
Mabel HenriksenMatt seems to spend a lot of time working with the new Captain's assistant. Mabel has been on assignments to Intelligence quite often, more so than we'd expect, and while she's known to have ties to Chloe Hudson, there could be more to it. Our sources have seen M&M (Mabel and Matt) bantering, almost like equals, not as a superior and subordinate, and he allows it. We also know Matt likes the daughters of authority figures, and while Mabel is not a member of Eastman's biological family, the new Captain seems to treat her like a daughter. If Mabel's nature wasn't impediment enough for our Matt, Eastman's might be.
Felicity EllisMany of the sons of powerful women are attracted to similarly dominant partners. Matt's mother is Councilor Miranda Harmon, as powerful a woman as any. It's not hard to believe that Matt had his eye out for our fair former Captain. Alas, she always seemed more interested in Thomas Jett, and now she's gone.
{The following passage has been removed by the Dirt Dude's editor, out of a desire not to poke the bear.}
Judy Eastman-Williams
Maybe the former Captain wasn't the lover that spurned Matt, but the current one is. Judy Eastman is attractive for her age, and Matt seems to spend much time around her office. Maybe he's not interested in her assistant - as we'd speculated earlier - but in herself. Sadly for Matt, we've regularly sighted Eastman with her current partner, so she's probably off the market.
Kaya SomMatt spends a lot of time around the Trill, but she's not into humans. Alas.
Perhaps it's not women that trouble our handsome Matt. Maybe his job is not treating him kindly. Maybe he's having troubles with his aforementioned mother, or his equally prominent father. Whatever it is, we'd like to apologize if this column makes Matt sadder. We hope that soon, soon, we'll see the smile on his face. - The Dirt Dude
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Dugris Zaman
Civilian
Sir Alphabet Soup
Starting fires
Posts: 115 Likes: 5
Position: Consultant
Species: El-Aurian
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Post by Dugris Zaman on Feb 5, 2021 22:13:29 GMT
Feb. 2381
The Saddest Shape
Any engineer will tell you that the triangle is a phenomenal shape: it very neatly resists deformation and supports loads applied to it. The Pyramids of Giza, and the much bigger Pyramids of Danjika[fn]OOC: A random Klingon colony I picked out off the map[/fn] are built of triangles for good reason.
And yet, in love, the triangle is the saddest of shapes. Some throuples endure, but usually, a love triangle resolves into either a couple and a singleton, or three lone singles. I have my theories, but I won't go into them, because the love triangle we deal with today is even more doomed.
Very few readers will be surprised to hear that Dr. Paawin Riyo, mainly of the public clinic, is dating Leanna Mazal, owner of the Blue Beta. We here at the Dirt Dude believe that Ms. Mazal deserves an attentive and loyal partner, and if she has that with Dr. Paawin, we wish them nothing but the best.
What will surprise you, dear reader, is the third leg of our triangle, Sven Aune. He's single, an eligible bachelor, and it seems a little desperate. Our sources tell us that, while being treated for a gym accident - as anyone can tell, Commander Aune works out - he hit on Dr. Paawin. We're told the beefy security officer flirted with the doctor while being treated, and offered to take him dancing at the Blue Beta. We here at the Dirt Dude have three guesses.
First, we think it's possible that Sven didn't - or doesn't - know Lea and Riyo are dating. He thought he was using an opportunity to make a move on an attractive guy. We've all been there before.
Second, we consider that the goal of dancing at the Blue Beta was to steal Riyo from Lea right in front of her eyes, in truly dramatic fashion. We like to think better of our Starfleet protectors, so we'll ignore this theory.
Third, and this is the theory we think holds water, maybe Sven wanted to enter into a throuple, and hoped to do so at the Blue Beta.
Whatever the case may be, our sources indicate that Sven's advances didn't go anywhere. He might have better luck with the station's other senior ranking lonely heart, Matt Harmon!
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Dugris Zaman
Civilian
Sir Alphabet Soup
Starting fires
Posts: 115 Likes: 5
Position: Consultant
Species: El-Aurian
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Post by Dugris Zaman on May 24, 2021 22:26:22 GMT
May. 2381
The Plaza Where It Happened
Dear readers, we have to talk about that fight, on Kerelia, between the Bajorans and the Cardassians. There's a lot of smoke in the air, and only one journalist with the credibility to resolve this question once and for all - and it's yours truly.
We've all heard the broad strokes: the Cardies came into the Ha'mara pavilion and started pushing the Bajorans around. Now, some have said that Vedek Dima grabbed Gul Du Toollame first, whereas others claim that the Gul spat at the Vedek to begin the fight. The truth is more interesting still: one of the Gul's bodyguards elbowed Mabel Henriksen, Captain Eastman's assistant, and Vedek Dima could not abide such wanton cruelty. The Vedek was a hero.
As an aside, we'd like to address how come this revelation is a Dirt Dude exclusive, when others have holographic footage: we always hear the story, listen to everyone, and get to the bottom. We here at the Dirt Dude have no agenda.
This is why we were not convinced that the footage of the fight was the whole story, especially when that footage ended up in Cardassian campaign ads for next week's general election. We just knew there was a whole story here, and we found it. Vedek Dima stood up to a bully.
P.S. We are told Captain Eastman assigned additional training for the guards who reacted excessively to this fight. We were also told not to tell anyone, but we're telling you anyway.
OOC: The Dirt Dude got it wrong. Mabel was not, in fact, elbowed by a Cardie.
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Judith Eastman
Civilian
Grandma
Posts: 2,593 Likes: 84
Rank: Civilian/other
Position: Civil Servant
Species: Human
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Post by Judith Eastman on Aug 2, 2021 21:39:42 GMT
July 2381
The Ass in AmbassadorOr: L'Shotime
It is well-known by now that the new Talorian Ambassador to the Federation has set up shop on our station. It is also no secret that the Ambassador is none other than L'Sho, the former Talorian military man. This column will not delve into that man's record, but suffice it to say that he is a stone-cold killer with no love for the Federation, and that we doubt he will dispute (or even be offended by) that statement. We will, however, discuss one incident that has occurred during the new Ambassador's time here.
In Talorian culture, as in many other societies, there is no taboo on nudity; this author finds that a refreshing thing. To Ambassador L'Sho, then, there was no problem with diving into the little lake in our station park, fully nude, during the day. That is exactly what he did, an act which no doubt shocked most park-goers, and which was promptly reported to security.
In a public argument, the still-naked Ambassador attempted to persuade a number of senior crewmembers, including Captain Baker, that the station ban on nudity is dumb and should not apply to him. In this, he was unsuccessful, but the endeavor is indicative of the Ambassador's approach to his assignment: he hopes to bend the Federation and Starfleet to his whim, not to adapt to the ways of this place.
Our sources, present in the park, were also able to observe the Ambassador's body. His is a muscular physique, throughout his whole body, no doubt from the twin forms of exercise he is known to enjoy: swimming and murder. The Ambassador was noted on Talor for his fertility, and with this physique at his current age, we do not find this to be surprising. Ambassador L'Sho can get it.
Whether he deigns to wear clothing or not, the Ambassador's time among us will surely be interesting.
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Judith Eastman
Civilian
Grandma
Posts: 2,593 Likes: 84
Rank: Civilian/other
Position: Civil Servant
Species: Human
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Post by Judith Eastman on Sept 6, 2021 18:03:27 GMT
Sept. 2381
Disharmony
It has been some time since yours truly last turned our attention to Matthew Harmon. It is not Dirt Dude policy to intrude on the privacy of a man in his darkest hour, and yet, at this point in time, we must ask Matt one question: are you okay?
Since his return from Caldonia, Mr. Harmon has hardly been seen around. He has been kept out of the fleet, even as Mr. Th'zhaar and Ms. O'Connell returned, and has spent much of his time in his quarters. It is public knowledge, confirmed by many Dirt Dude insiders, that Mr. Harmon is a habitual drinker, so we're willing to bet the poor man is drinking himself into a stupor.
We are aware that Matt is no longer on speaking terms with his fellow prisoners, though we do not know why. We also believed he was - understandably - furious with Captain Eastman, but he recently made a trip to the surface during her weekend sojourn, which calls that fact into question.
The most interesting information, however, is that we know of various strange women sneaking in and out of Matt's booze-soaked quarters. Identities aren't known, but the cast appears to be widely varied, and not consistent with the station's population of prostitutes.
Matt, if you're reading this, come out of your shell. Your friends need you, and more saliently, you need them. Solace is not found at the bottom of a bottle.
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Judith Eastman
Civilian
Grandma
Posts: 2,593 Likes: 84
Rank: Civilian/other
Position: Civil Servant
Species: Human
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Post by Judith Eastman on Sept 11, 2021 21:50:35 GMT
Aug. 2381Princes and PaupersAs a prelude to this article, I would just like to note that this is the reason that I, the Dirt Dude, am anonymous. This piece involves confidential sources close to a powerful figure on this station - Captain Eastman - speaking ill of another powerful figure. It also contains criticism of an officer known for unduly aggressive behavior. So, let us begin. During her trip to Terra last month, Captain Eastman attended a lunch meeting with Gisele Niles, mother to Joshua Niles; Lt. Niles, as we all know, is on probation. During this meeting, according to our sources, the conversation gradually grew tense, as Mrs. Niles made repeated demands for preferential treatment for her son, growing increasingly exasperated. Mrs. Niles also expressed her disdain for those of us who make our living outside the safety of the core worlds, and her utter contempt for Starfleet. Captain Eastman was not receptive to these overtures. It is the opinion of yours truly that this incident is reflective of Captain Eastman's tendencies in all sorts of boring ways. It is also reflective of Mr. Niles' temperament in much more interesting ways. First of all, according to our source, Mrs. Niles displayed a "frightful" degree of neo-feudal entitlement that "shocked" Eastman. Gisele Niles displayed a pattern of thought of being "born to rule". We're told Mrs. Niles also dined and dashed, leaving Captain Eastman with the bill, which doesn't relate to Joshua, but is just the kind of impolite thing that Dirt Dude readers should know about. The similarities between mother and son are for the reader to discern.
All told, yours truly suspects that this incident has cast further doubts in Captain Eastman's mind on Lt. Niles' suitability for substantive duties. Thanks to this column, those doubts have surely been exposed, as our Captain is not transparent enough to disclose such things. It is our hope that Joshua Niles will prove us all very wrong. On an unrelated note, there is a rumor that Matthew Harmon is into older women. We'll have more on that as it develops.
OOC: The main source for this column is Roland L. Jenkins. However, no one but the Dirt Dude knows this.
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Judith Eastman
Civilian
Grandma
Posts: 2,593 Likes: 84
Rank: Civilian/other
Position: Civil Servant
Species: Human
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Post by Judith Eastman on Dec 13, 2021 17:27:59 GMT
Nov. 2381[fn]After S1E11, before this thread[/fn] Matt Harmon: Intergalactic Man of MysteryIt will be no surprise to readers of our column that Matthew Harmon is a subject of interest to us. We have covered this man and his struggles quite often before, and as always, we wish him well. This is why today, we turn to address his extended, unjust suspension. Matt was suspended 9 standard months ago. If he had conceived a child at that time, the child would have been born now. He could've planted and grown three batches of potatoes in this time. This is a long time. We will not deny that Matt has a lot to work through. He spent time in a prison camp, doing hard manual labor. When he came back, he reputedly had a big, bushy beard! By the way, Matt, we're sure you'd look great with a beard. He drowned his sorrows in alcohol, and cooped himself up in his quarters. However, now, Matt appears to be back to form. He's functional, energetic, and no more curmudgeonly than his baseline state. He is, to borrow a phrase, tan, rested, and ready. And so, the Dirt Dude calls on the command staff of this station - Thea Baker, Judith Eastman, Felicity Ellis - reinstate Matt Harmon and promote him to First Officer! He deserves nothing less. |
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