Work would have to solve itself, she decided after wondering how she would fit in with the new crew and how long it would take her past to catch up to her again. Bira stretched her legs out underneath the table and slumped slightly against the back of the chair before setting her Kava juice on the table. It was a pretty good thing that she had or she may have ended up on the floor and embarrassing herself to death. It was the soft sound of approaching footsteps that caused her to raise her head, but it was the calling of her name that made the image of the face before her cement in reality. The voice was unfamiliar, no one addressed her by that small term of endearment; no one left alive except Kiax and he and his new host were still assimilating to one another.

She had been certain of the fact; even as her eyes stared up into his, Bira found no familiarity there save the glint of her own wishful thinking. The man seemed to catch himself, and that tone of connectivity rapidly left his voice as he stammered out her proper name and rank. Her eyes drifted to his neck instinctively seeking his rank but that was ridiculous being dressed as he was. His question was like a slap in the face, however, for how could she ever forget who this man was? At least he found the faculties of speech while she sat there paralyzed from the surprise. It filled her head that she should have kept tabs on him and then she would not have been taken unawares like this, but that would have defeated the point of no contact.

He seemed to come to his senses all on his own, and it ran through her mind to marvel at how well he was holding himself together when she couldn’t even find her voice. Then he ended the encounter and began to walk away. She knew she should just let him go, but there was a pain in her stomach that just would not let up. Her chest felt as though it just might explode.

Bolting to her feet, jarring the table enough to cause her juice to splash a bit, she reached out and attempted to lay hold of his elbow with her hand to stop him from leaving. ”No, Kiax, Don’t”, she blurted out but that was not what she wished to say and she shook her head before retracting her hand and trying to address him once again.

”Ari, don’t leave. You are not disturbing me…”, she sighed and raised her left hand to rub at the back of her neck as she often did when a bit stressed out. She wet her lips as though to speak, then shook her head and bit lightly at her upper lip for a moment. Her body sagged a bit in the shoulders as the air seemed to be released from her lungs and then she raised her eyes forcing herself to meet his gaze. ”This isn’t very adult like, is it?”, she asked then smiled and gestured to the table. ”We can do better don’t you think? Sit and eat. Let’s at least be civil over breakfast for a minute?”

Civility had nothing to do with it and it was hardly what she wished to say, but she knew there weren’t any words that could make sense of everything and that sometimes you just had to go with what the day delivered. Her arms wrapped around her ribs and she folded her hands into her elbows before saying, ”There is no sense running away scared, do you think? We can do this?”. She nodded her head to indicate she thought they could but her arms holding onto herself that way seemed to belay the bravery and the tone of confidence she affected.

---

Ari Kiax

The play of emotions she witnessed fighting for dominance over his features was painful to watch; for a moment she was sorry she had inflicted herself upon him like that. Just an instant’s hesitation and he would have made his get-away and left herself scrambling to find her equilibrium on her own. Timidity, however, had never really been her thing. But this… death and not death ending...it was gut wrenching to say the least and she wasn’t used to being so out of her depth.

Bira had gone through various stages of rage, grief, acceptance and a whole heaping amount of rage, followed by more grief and then a little more acceptance. That was just to be expected as she never did give her emotions away cheaply. The three of them, D’yar, Kiax, and herself, had chosen to enter into a relationship and while it was true none of them had figured it to end this way, she was more than aware how Ari didn’t choose any of this. Sure, he could have walked away and let Kiax die, but then he would have had to turn into someone he was not to be so indifferent. This was no different. He didn’t ask for these feelings and to foist them on him was insisting he turn into a different person altogether.

Relaxing a bit as he took the offered seat, she sat back down and used her napkin to wipe up the bit of juice she had spilled. ”It is a bitter pill”, she muttered as she avoided his eyes and focused on cleaning up the tiny spill, ”this coming to terms with being part of nothing anymore. But I see the necessity”.  At least she knew who she was and Ari couldn't even manage awareness enough to order his own food. Bira couldn't even begin to understand how retched that must be. Her eyes glared at the offending croissant before they lifted to seek his. Snorting softly because she was about to be self deprecating, she said, ”It’s truly ridiculous the lengths to which a man will go in order to avoid making a commitment, don’t you think so Ari?”

Her sense of humor was a tiny bit macabre but hopefully an appreciation for gallows humor had not been lost during this new blending. She smirked and reached for her juice before taking a sip. Life was rough; what of it? She’d be damned if she walked around on egg shells avoiding anyone, but damn this was about as tough as things could get. It wasn’t until he asked her why she was not on the Hecla that her acting skills were put to the test; all she could hear was D'yar's voice and it was all she could do not to gasp or tear up. Anger pulled her back from the edge for she detested tears in the worst way. This seemed to give her clarity enough to realize it was the second time he had inquired as to why she was here on Front Ear. Setting her drink down, she began to lie her ass off. It was for his own good, this new host had enough on his plate without having to deal with her drama. He hadn’t even trained his entire life to be joined.

”I could ask you the same thing, Ari. I didn’t expect you to be off Trill for some time yet to come.”, she said then shook her head incase she had just insulted him. ”What I mean to say is that you’ve been through alot. I don’t know how you manage.” She leaned back in her chair and crossed her ankle over her right knee. ”As for myself I am waiting to start my new assignment aboard the USS Mac. The Federation says jump and we say how high sir!” Surely her grin would fool him unless Kiax chose to rat her out. Obviously the last place she wanted to be was aboard the Hecla, lying in her bed, alone, dying in her memories night after night. She put in for transfer immediately and it hadn’t taken long for her request to be granted.

---

Ari Kiax

She was more than a little paranoid that he possessed more than just impressions but was fully aware of intimacies that had been difficult for her to share...with a man she’d known for years. To have this stranger now be privy to those memories left her more exposed than she had ever been...if he didn’t know everything it would not be unthinkable for that to occur eventually...he had his whole life ahead of him. Did he know that people lived and died in the mining camp upon her word? The pronouncement of a five year old? Perhaps she should have been more appalled but whatever visions of her nudity and the sharing of their bodies he had rattling around in that brain of his, but she had never been permitted privacy or ownership of her own body, not until after her liberation from slavery. No, it was the emotional connections that left her feeling more exposed and violated than ever before in her life.

Bira didn’t know much about how all of that worked. Was Kiax just naturally a big blabbermouth or did he have any more control of what bled through that Ari did in what he received from all those prior hosts? Sitting there listening to him just seemed to make her grow angrier and angrier by the minute. Not at him, not at Kiax, not even at D’yar so much...damn him for dying anyway. No, she was pissed at their people. What the hell didn’t they know how to handle these aberrant events? You didn’t just sit around and wait for life to happen, you prepared for the worst and hoped for the best. Certain that someone, somewhere, needed a big boot shoved up their backsides, she sighed heavily and shook her head to clear her thoughts.

He seemed to clear his head, or need a change of subject, but she just waved her hand dismissively at the notion she would ignore all this and just talk about how life was on the USS Mac. ”Pft”, she uttered unintelligibly before speaking her mind, ”Eh, it’s an assignment and It’s only been a couple days at best. But this?” Bira had shifted her posture a bit growing more animated so that her forearms rested upon the table. Lifting her forearms up to the elbows she spread her hands wide shaking them a bit jazz hands style. ”But this sounds like a bunch of BS to me. I …”, she cut off stuttering a bit on her words and shook her head before continuing. ”I don’t even know. I mean I do, but I don’t. Like, don’t let those guys bury you. You are the one in charge, so lead.” She stood up and walked around behind his chair pivoting a bit toward the replicator. ”For starters, why don’t you go order something to eat that YOU like?” Folding her arms over her chest, she shifted her weight to her rear facing leg and waited semi-patiently for him to get up and show all those personalities exactly who he was.

---

Ari Kiax

When Ari refused to let her down play the assignment and make him the object of conversation, she just nodded her head and sighed. True enough it was a prime assignment but her irritation at the council for not having contingency plans in case of unusual circumstances seriously pissed her off. Images of the incident, the rush to get Kiax into his new host, no one with any competency in such matters on board, nearly losing them both… well she had been shunted out of the way once Kiax was removed from D’yar and they tended to the living while she sat with the dead. She was pissed at Starfleet too for not having better medical data on hand with not one but two Trills on board. The doctor should have been educated better as to these crew member’s specific needs. ’You’d think a research vessel would have given that detail a bit more thought.’, she inwardly fumed.

Inhaling, she smoothed her hands down her front and moved back to take her seat as she endured the resurgence of emotions surrounding D’yar’s death. ”Yes, I was meaning your past lives, but I’m sure you hardly need advice from me”, she clarified and immediately squashed the impulse to object about his not eating. She didn’t want to impose herself on him, in fact she was strictly forbidden as part of his tradition, and she couldn’t be sure of her own motivations for they were too altered by her emotions. Perhaps the best course of action for now was to act like they were strangers and let their interactions be guided by those social rules.

What she needed was a benign topic and she had one that would sate her curiosity as well. ”But what about you, Ari. Why are you here?”, she asked while trying to imagine they were complete strangers.

---

Ari Kiax

His words drew her focus as he explained and as he did so she wondered why she was ever worried about him losing his individuality? D’yar never would have spoken about these things and that Ari was now? Well, she couldn’t help but be enthralled to hear his explanations. The squall syrup on her groat cake had no doubt gone cold, but she had lost her interest in food for the moment anyway. A few things stood out for her, causing her to make a list of questions in her head.

He didn’t seem to share the popular desire to join as most from his world possessed, at least that was her opinion based on him shaking his head when he explained about joining being a coveted state and that he hadn’t trained for bonding. Then he went on to explain how there was no longer a real him. It left her a bit dumbfounded and when he apologized for his lack of being able to explain properly she set her foot back on the floor and leaned forward to say, ”Oh no, I could follow along well enough.”

She leaned back appalled by the apparent sacrifice Ari had made, and for what? There was the sanctity of life and she could see giving everything to save someone you loved, family, a comrade in arms but a complete stranger? No, she realized. That was not right. The symbionts had been with the Trill for generations and their connectivity might well touch upon every family in their world by now. They were not strangers in the least and their passing would be viewed on a different level of grief than she felt capable of understanding. Not truly, at least no more than she really understood what it must be like to blend and become one with another being.

Her eyes looked to her plate and as suspected the cakes were ruined, at least to her way of thinking. Instead she sampled some of the fruit while she waited for him to come back with his selection. The smell of his drink hit her senses and she chuckled softly, ”You weren’t kidding about the Raktajino were you?”

Finishing her fruit while he spoke, she remained silent for the most part save when he spoke of Kiax’s doing what they pleased. ”Yeah, that part is actually no secret.” D’yar had a pretty strong personality that had been hard to resist. It pleased her to know that Ari was not so easily held in check either. Surely they would be alright. But then he went on to speak of what prompted him to choose his assignment and just her being here could make all his plans go up in smoke.

Bira was about to apologize for crossing paths during such a critical time when he brought up the doctor’s consult she wondered just how critical a time it was? Could just be the regular assignment process, all the exams and formalized meetings. However, he was returning to duty, even a distant and unrelated duty, earlier than usual.

”That all sounds amazing, Ari. I mean if you are on your own then yeah, why not get back out into the thick of things and get busy living?”, she said with sincerity in her voice. ”It’s a great assignment too. Sure to be loads for a science officer to do on the frontier. I have to admit I am hesitant, though, about being a source of difficulty during this time in your life.” She felt like someone in division headquarters needed to go on report. The whole reason they both did not stay with the Hecla was to get away from each other.

---

Ari Kiax

Arching an eyebrow when he attributed the love of the Klingon drink to his joining, she chuckled and asked spontaneously, ”Have there been any other changes that you enjoy, like”, she paused in her words to search her mind for something reasonable then said, ”oh I don’t know, some new skill? Like”, she sat up and chuckled softly before saying, ”the ancient art of ribbon candy making? You know, something mundane?”

She was putting a light spin on things when really his words had struck notes that were a little too clear. She’d always known that she put a bit too much importance on their relationship, at least more than D’yer had. Clearly. Running into her had been a surprise, and not easy. While his assessment of her experience was termed unpleasant, to paraphrase a smidge. On the one hand, she had left the Hecla over D’yer and on the other he had not.

On the one hand she was being unfair and petty making everything about herself even though she understood how grievously it was not. The threat of losing your mind, your soul was the greater struggle; greater than grief over the death of a loved one. And she had loved him. She’d loved twice in her life and both were now dead. Only yeah, a large part of D’yar was sitting right there across the table from her right now. There was no him or symbiote or how ever many past hosts. It was as Ari said, only the one of them now. Funny, that is what D’yar always said too. He was D’yar and that meant D’yar, take it or leave it.

And on the other hand she knew what the loss really meant. Awkward words spoken among semi strangers based on what, half impressions or full on immersion memories? She had no idea how it worked and to ask just felt intrusive and rather pointless. She didn’t need to know and could just move on. Sometimes she wondered if Starfleet had made her soft. It was like she wanted to hurt. There was no sense in re-examining everything based on some passing remarks.

Bira knew, however, that her first instincts in calling out for him to stop were spot on. It was the right thing to do and she was glad to hear Ari voice his desire to keep a friendship between them. She did have to quirk a bit of a questioning grin at him when she thought she saw his cheeks flush. Her confusion was genuine but only because she frequently missed small subtleties and innuendos. Humor once more came to her rescue and she dove right into the deep end.

”Oh sure. I think making our own friendship would be a good thing.”, she said then shifted in her seat to cross her right leg over the left at the knee. ”But if you need a break, you know, if being around me gets to be too much, you just speak up. I know I am quite a lot of woman to take.” She grinned letting him know just about how serious she was being. The change of topic was a good notion though and she didn’t do anything else to derail them back into dangerous waters.

He really became animated when he talked about work, which just made her smile. ”I doubt very seriously if they are going to waste you on data processing when any non-comm can do the same. Unfortunately, you don’t see many of those that can do your work in return.” Still, she was gentle in tone knowing full well the different thoughts that went through a person’s mind when taking on a new assignment. She had basically spent the whole day trying not to worry herself into a sleepless night. Still, might there be medical issues that could decide the issue? ”Those medical evaluations…”, she said in all seriousness, ”do you anticipate anything that would keep you from active duty?”

---

Ari Kiax